The Key To Weight Loss Is Masturbation

Mens Fitness – How would you react if someone told you masturbating could help you reach your fitness goals? Well, one woman is saying it worked for her—and she actually has the academic chops to back it up. Meet Ramani Durvasula, PhD, a psychologist and author of the brand new book, You Are WHY You Eat. After getting out of a loveless and sexless marriage, Dr. Durvasula saw an opportunity to re-focus on herself and her health, so she developed a diet andfitness plan that used very specific non-food rewards (including masturbation and orgasm) to keep her on track. The result: An 80-lb. weight loss. We sat down with her to learn more about her somewhat unorthodox diet and the psychology behind it.

Men’s Fitness: So how did you discover this method?

Dr. Ramani Durvasula: I took one thing I loved, food, and replaced it with another, orgasm. When I got tired of the endless salads and fruits and vegetables, I decided, why not stick in something that is pleasurable and healthy? That was a short list—reading, writing, orgasm. So when I had to replace a pleasurable food, I used masturbation.

We don’t need some Dr. Ramnaninainagonnaworkhereanymore to tell the world you can lose weight from masturbating. Just look no further than your boy KFC for the weight loss benefits of crackin stick. I’m not even exaggerating, the only thing that stands between me and morbid obesity is jerking off. Maybe some decent genetics but other than that, the key to my regiment is beating my dick into shape. Its like this bitch says – “reading, writing, orgasm.” My regiment is read a bunch of internet stories, pick one out, write about it, reward myself with IDeepThroat on YouJizz. Repeat. I’m like Pavlov’s Dogs. Conditioned like a motherfucker. I press publish on a blog and bingo bango my dick is hard. Just expects a workout. Sometimes I’m too busy or not in the mood, just like you losers who go to the gym. Only difference is mustering up the strength to rub one out is a lot easier than getting out of bed in the cold winter to head to the gym. But you gotta go hard and you gotta remain consistent. Sometimes even break a sweat when twerkin it. I hang a sign above my bedroom door that says “Masturbate Like A Champ Today” that I touch every time I walk by just to remind myself of the dedication it takes to jerk my way to staying skinny.

PS – Not every dude out there can jerk his way to health like I can, but chicks most certainly can. Like this doctor here. Bitch lost 80 pounds blasting herself. EIGHTY! You know why? Because making a pussy orgasm is the most difficult thing in the world. Its like a marathon mixed with weight lifting mixed with mental strain. I could spend a whole summer with Mr. Miyagi Waxing on and Waxing off and sanding the floor and learning how to catch flies with chopsticks and I still don’t think I’d have the mental and physical focus to make a girl come. If I replaced food with trying to make a girl orgasm I’d probably lose a thousand pounds in a week.